


I'll Be Stoned for Christmas

by Eyes_of_a_Tragedy, mugglerock



Series: Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst Like Woah!, Bottom Endverse Castiel (Supernatural), Dom/sub Undertones, Drugged Sex, Dub-Con Due to Inebriation, Dysfunctional Relationships, Endverse, Heavy Angst, If You're Searching for a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Apocalyptic Christmas, Recreational Drug Use, Rough Sex, Shotgunning, Stoner Castiel (Supernatural), Top Dean Winchester/Bottom Castiel, Top Endverse Dean Winchester, Unprotected Sex, Unsafe Sex, cuz duh, happy holidays, i guess, you done fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:55:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21752587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyes_of_a_Tragedy/pseuds/Eyes_of_a_Tragedy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: As if apocalypses weren’t enough to deal with, humans had to throw in even messier things, like emotions... bullshit feelings. That’s why Castiel prefers drugs and sex. No emotions required. At least, that’s how it was supposed to be.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558915
Comments: 18
Kudos: 107





	I'll Be Stoned for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> **Frankie here:** If you came here looking for adorable, sweet, bonding over shared levels of inebriation cuteness, you came to the wrong place. Enjoy this angst smut storm.
> 
>  **T-rex** : Seriously, y'all. Frankie and I don't do cute or fluffy. Come eat our cookies! Eat them!
> 
>  **Frankie here:** I mean, we CAN do cute or fluffy, but if our fluffers (yes I’m calling them that) aren’t around to stop the runaway train to angstville, this is what happens.
> 
>  **T-rex again** : Yeah, we can do fluff… but we live and love for the angst. Sorry, not sorry. *shrug* This is what you get when our soft girls aren't around to restrain us.
> 
>  **Frankie here:** ngl, I hope someone cries. Lol.
> 
>  **T-rex** : There's my little muggsy murderbeast!
> 
>  **Frankie here:**  
>   
>  We hope you enjoy it, and if you do, feel free to give us love in the form of kudos, comments, and/or your souls. :D  
> (P.S. I wasn't Dean this time. ;))
> 
>  **T-rex** : I mean, technically you're an ex-angel in this story. And our betas said we're both demons, lol. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, y'all! *hands you tissues*
> 
> **This work of fiction is subject to copyright, and we do not consent to it being reposted, uploaded to any site other than Ao3, or used for monetary gain without our written consent.**

**Day 11 - I’ll Be Stoned for Christmas**

It had been a fucked up year, and on top of it all, he had to be sidelined because of a goddamn injury. Cas hated how human he was now. The only perks, the absolute only perks were the sheer amount of drugs that were still available thanks to apocalypse abandoned pharmacies and dispensaries. Cas had access to more uppers, downers, and everything in between than they had access to clean water.

Like he said. It had been a fucked up year. Oh, and the only other perk was sex. But Cas still liked drugs better. They made putting up with their asshole of a leader, Dean Winchester, a hundred times easier. This asshole human that Cas friggin’ fell for, in every way imaginable. And yet, here Cas was, at his side as usual.

After popping a couple of Oxy’s to offset the Ritalin, and a Viagra, he smoked one of the joints from the Krampus Khronic strain they’d picked up a week earlier. Cas forgot it was Christmas, and he blamed that, not the drugs (thank you), for what possessed him to pack up some of his favorite emotion numbing scores into a satchel before he threw on a coat and slipped out of his cabin. 

Now he just had to hope fate was on his side and Dean wasn’t busy with one of the Lisa substitutes at his cock and call. Cas climbed over the railing along Dean’s cabin and slipped onto the deck with an ease not even his wings could give him. See? Drugs really do have their perks. He pounded on Dean’s door and sing-songed, “We wish you a Merry Christmas…” 

The door opened to an obviously sleepy face that almost reminded Cas of the man he used to watch over. Scrubbing the heel of his palm over his eyes, Dean muttered, "Cas? It's 2 am. What's going on?"

Cas chuckled as he pushed his way in, kicking the door shut behind him as he held up the bag. “Let’s stay up and see if Santa comes down the chimney.”

Dean stumbled over and plopped down on the edge of his bed. "I don't have a chimney."

“Now who’s the literal asshole,” he said as he sat next to Dean and pulled out the mason jar of moonshine. Cas handed it to Dean. “Let’s take a night off.”

If he didn't know better, he'd say there was a hint of affection in the look Dean shot his way. "Looks like you already are. Aren't you supposed to be on patrol with Chuck?"

The lit blunt burned bright as Cas sucked down a deep inhale, and proceeded to cough the words, “Can’t. I’m sick.” He proceeded to exhale the rest of the smoke in Dean’s face.

It was a testament to their former relationship that Dean didn't even flinch. Instead, his fearless leader unscrewed the lid on the mason jar and took a big swig. Coughing slightly, eyes watering, he choked out, "What the fuck is this? Battery acid?"

“You try finding decent booze. It’s that or the frou frou shit you refuse to partake in,” he said as he waved the blunt around for emphasis.

Calloused fingers pinched the blunt out of his grip. "Do you even know what day it is, Cas?"

Cas nodded as he pointed to the blunt. “S’why we’re smoking the Krampus Khronic. Merry Christmas, and world peace, or whatever.”

"I actually meant day of the week, but okay." Dean took a hit and passed it back. He snorted under his breath. "World peace…"

Cas plopped the blunt between his lips as he pulled out a couple of the bottles he grabbed. “Like I said, take a night off.” He inhaled the smoke and blew it in Dean’s direction again before offering him the blunt. 

Dean took the offering and stared at the glowing tip. "Why do you do this shit?"

Cas rolled his eyes as he took the blunt back and took the hit for him. “It’s a science experiment, and I’m the guinea pig,” he deadpanned as he dangled the blunt just out of Dean’s reach.

He watched as Dean took another swig of the 'shine and reached across him for the joint. "You're not a fucking experiment, Cas." Dean took the hit and mumbled, "Never were."

“Not tonight, Dean,” Cas urged, taking the blunt back after taking his own swig of the shitty moonshine. 

Dean huffed out a breath and grabbed Cas's bag off of the floor. "Fine. You want the high? Let's do this." He rifled through the bag of pills, grabbing one at random, and popped it into his mouth, chasing it with another swallow of “battery acid”.

Cas couldn’t help but smirk as he handed the blunt back to Dean. “That was Viagra.”

"Fuck! Of course it was." Dean grabbed another not-blue pill and popped it.

It wasn’t often Dean played ball with Cas, so he knew to soak it in for the next gap. Cas sucked in a drag and waved Dean to come closer. 

Either Dean was exhausted, or the combination of drugs and booze were already kicking in, because Dean leaned in close enough their foreheads were touching.

Cas smirked again as he closed the gap between them, slowly exhaling the smoke between Dean’s slightly parted lips. He drew back after a quick kiss to Dean’s bottom lip. He leaned back against his elbow and waited for Dean’s response. It was gonna go one of two ways.

Dean climbed over him and stared into his eyes. "Fuckin' miss you, you asshole."

“No chick flick moments,” he growled before he yanked Dean down into a filthy kiss.

Dean pushed off. "Why? Because it makes you remember? Makes you feel something other than numb? I don't know… I…" He breathed a heavy sigh. "Take what I can get, huh?"

Cas took another hit off of the blunt and another swig of moonshine. “You gonna fuck me, or what?”

It was like a switch got flipped. Dean's eyes went empty, but his actions... Dean grabbed him by the front of his pants and tore at the button and zipper. "Who had you last?" he growled out between clenched teeth.

He hated to admit it, but the breathless, “You,” still escaped. Cas had been planning on giving his ass up to the new guy, he just hadn’t had the chance.

The sound that fell from Dean's lips was all animal. "You're telling me no one else has fucked you since May?" His eyes were no longer empty, but the look wasn't one Cas wanted.

Cas had to squash it. “Yet. Plan on riding Adrian’s cock the next chance I get.”

Dean grabbed him by the hips and flipped him over. "Not if I get to him first." A slap to his ass made him flinch. 

Cas scoffed as he looked over his shoulder at Dean. “Just fuck me already.”

He heard the squeak of wood scratching on wood, as Dean opened his nightstand drawer. A bottle of lube landed on the mattress near his head. "Prep yourself for me."

Cas grabbed the tube and threw it back. “I’m prepped. Just slick your dick up.”

Dean shoved him up onto his knees and pressed his face into the sheets. Two fingers were roughly pushed into him, testing Cas's claim. "So if I had turned you away, you would have just moved on to a set of pretty blue eyes?"

“Still might, if you keep talkin’ instead of fuckin’.”

"I should let him have you." Dean crooked his fingers and nailed Cas's prostate on the first try. "What do you think, hmm? Let the new boy have my sloppy seconds," he hummed as he rubbed that spot with a vengeance. 

Cas almost went cross eyed from the pleasure, gasping against the itchy sheets as his cock twitched in need. He hated how goddamn good Dean was at fucking. That was the other reason he hadn’t fucked anyone else. No one was as good at it as Dean. Not that he’d ever let the bastard know that. “Can’t have sloppy seconds if you don’t fuck me.”

Dean leaned over him and whispered in his ear, "Fucked you in May, sunshine. Anyone who comes after is automatically getting my sloppy seconds." He heard the metal of a zipper parting, then felt solid hipbones and that thick cock press against his ass.

“Stop toying with me or I’ll fuck him in front of you,” Cas threatened as he started trying to ride Dean’s fingers.

"I'd like to see you try." Dean pulled out and added some lube to his hand. Cas could hear him slicking up his cock and turned over to watch. With a quirked eyebrow, Dean pulled the chair from the dinette over and sat down. "You want it? Come get it."

Cas narrowed his eyes, but he was too horny and high to try and figure out which cabin Adrian was in. He got up and, without skipping a beat, slipped onto Dean’s lap, holding his cock as he guided it to his hole and started sinking down. “You’re an asshole,” he groaned out as that delicious burning fullness started blurring his vision with pleasure.

Dean stared him dead in the eye and said, "Get to work."

Cas scoffed and immediately pulled away from Dean, his cock slipping out before he moved to kneel on the bed. He grabbed his pants and started gathering his drugs. “Fuck this. I’m sure someone’s down to fuck me without stupid mind games.”

Fingers tangled in his hair and moved him back to his knees. A moment later, he felt the tip of Dean's dick press inside him. "Not a game. Never has been. But fine…" and there was nothing else from him but the sounds of flesh striking flesh as he pounded into Cas's hole.

Cas gasped out as the sparks and stars of pleasure clouded his vision. This, this was what he needed. A brutal, rough fuck to offset the numbness that was becoming more a norm for him. There’s always a rewarding sensation that accompanies roughness, and Dean’s fucking was the right kinda rough. “Fuck, fuck…”

There was a slight adjustment to Dean's hips, a change of angle, and Dean struck gold, hitting his prostate with the same precision and accuracy he hit any target with.

It wasn’t fair that Dean was the best fuck on the goddamn planet. Cas couldn’t contain the moans that escaped, interrupted only by expletives and Dean’s name. Cas was close. Damn close. “Make me come,” he almost begged. 

Those fingers grasped at his hair, pulling him up until he was kneeling. He could feel Dean changing his stance behind him, angling in that way he knew would get him even deeper. Then the bastard slowed his tempo.

“Please, Dean,” he hated how needy he sounded as he tried to use his hips to get Dean’s cock in and out of him at a little faster pace.

A hand gripped his hip while the other reached around and stroked down his stomach to fondle his dick. Warm, calloused fingers teased at his slit, trailed wetness down his shaft, and tugged gently at his balls.

Two could play at that game. Cas started clenching around Dean’s cock every time he thrust deeper. 

There was a hissed inhale of breath, then those damn fingers trailed behind Cas's nuts and rubbed against his prostate from both sides. 

“Fuck,” Cas cried out as his whole body seized. He came over the sheets, completely untouched, every nerve ending on fire as his pleasure slowly pumped out of him through each sticky pulse.

That seemed to be the trigger that set Dean off. He started thrusting with abandon, rhythm faltering, and it only took a few more before he shot his load inside, coming apart as he collapsed against Cas's back. "You okay?"

Cas let out a breathy chuckle as he nodded against the mattress, trying to catch his breath in beat with his heart rate coming down. “I think the phrase is fucked stupid?”

The huff of breath against the back of his neck could have been anything from laughter to exasperation. Probably both. Dean grunted and rolled off of him.

Cas knew this routine all too well. Dean was going to make some excuse to leave for a few minutes, giving Cas enough time to grab his shit and be gone before he got back.

He was surprised when Dean sat up and reached for another joint. After lighting it and taking a puff, he opened the nightstand drawer and put the bottle of lube back in, then rummaged around a bit, pulling out a wrapped package. He passed it over to Cas and got up and moved to the bathroom, taking the moonshine with him.

Cas shook his head. Without missing a beat, he ripped the flimsily wrapped paper open and pulled out the present the asshole human had gifted him with. It was a picture of the two of them, shortly before everything went to shit. They were smiling. Goddamn, they had been so fucking naive.

_ Fucking asshole. _ Cas dropped everything into his satchel, including the picture, and started pulling his pants back on. Why couldn’t Dean just… stop? It was bad enough that Cas fell for him, in every possible way, but when he would get a grip over himself, get himself to a point where he wasn’t putting Dean first, the bastard would pull a move like this and suck Cas right back in.

Cas was halfway to the door, and pants half pulled up, when the door to the bathroom opened.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked, face a mixture of resolve and hope.

“Apparently I’m supposed to be on duty with Chuck. Did you know?” he deadpanned as he finished pulling his pants up and started hopping into his boots.

"Oh, fuck you, you snarky assbutt."

Cas chuckled. “Cute. So’s this high school gift you gave me.” He knew it was a low blow, but it was essential Dean go back to the angry, bitter, apocalyptic asshole that Cas needed him to be. 

"Didn't have much of a high school experience, so I wouldn't know." He drew off the joint again and took another shot of the homemade alcohol.

Cas stopped tying his laces and looked up at Dean. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

Dean looked at him, eyes unblinking. "What else do I have to live for?"

“Don’t put that on me. You’re the one that’s trying to make this something it’s not. We could be fuck buddies, but no… that’s not good enough for our fearless leader.” Cas sighed and grabbed the joint from Dean to take a puff before exhaling it in his face. “You aren’t living for anyone but yourself.”

Dean grabbed him and slammed him against the cabin wall. "If that's what you think, you never knew me." He crashed his lips to Cas's, moaning in desperation.

_ See? What did I tell you? Asshole!  _ Dean knew wall kisses were against the rules.  _ Whatever, _ Cas thought as he kissed him back.

Dean pushed away and turned to grab the moonshine again. "Get out."

Cas took the joint from Dean’s fingers and nodded. “Don’t drown yourself in that shit,” he said as he tapped the mason jar and grabbed the handle of the door. 

The last thing he heard as he left was the sound of glass shattering against the farthest wall. Good old Dean. Some things never changed. Cas sighed as he made his way back to his cabin. 

“Merry Christmas, Dean,” he whispered.

**The Endverse**


End file.
